Fighting Myself

"Fighting Myself" is a song from the Meteora recording sessions that was officially released as the second pre-release song from the 20th Anniversary Edition of Meteora. Originally scheduled for a March 3, 2023 release, the song was postponed to March 24.

Background

"Fighting Myself" is a song from the Meteora sessions that Linkin Park worked on, but never fully finished. It made it semi-late in the process and was seen on the list of 15 songs on the NRG Studios song board when the band was making the album, meaning it was in the final batch of tracks for the album. Mike Shinoda said for the Meteora 20 promotion that he remembered specifically having this song as an option for the 20th anniversary release, but his version did not have any of Chester's vocals on it and was just the rap verses.

The song was seen in the first LPTV Episode of Season 1 titled "The Writing Process", in early 2003, when the band is recording demos at Mike's home studio. There is a clip of Mike recording the guitar riff of the song with Chester sitting next to him.

When looking for material for Meteora 20, Mike Shinoda said that he was looking for a copy of "Fighting Myself" but stumbled upon "Lost" which he forgot existed. Mike said that he thought only a version without Chester existed. "I thought all we had was a demo and me rapping verse one and verse two and that was it, but Ryan from management found a version where Chester was singing and then we found the session of that song and I went into the multitracks and found different chorus ideas. It went from a rough sketch to a finished chorus, so now we have a full song with vocals. I remember writing it and working on it but it didn't make the cut so we just stopped working on it, so now I found the sessions for it." When the song debuted, he said that he layered the Chester vocals on the bridge and ending of the song as well when he was rebuilding it.

He added, "I got to take them into the computer and pick through what was there and we had the makings of a chorus that was like 90% done." So he went back in and picked through the multitracks to put a chorus together. He said that the chorus was "90% finished" and he would still change some things to finish the song if it were for the album, but that fans will think it sounds completely finished.

Mike said that he thought about rewriting his verses for it and took the idea to Linkin Park to touch up the songs on the box set, but the band ultimately decided it was pure and true to the intentions of Meteora 20 to not mess with any songs, so they kept everything in the original form. He also called the song "a definitive Linkin Park track", adding, "I really wanted to keep it true to the initial intention, because I didn't want to taint this time warp. What I love about the three new songs is that all of them represent a different facet of the band, as it was in 2003."

Phoenix said that Linkin Park intended to release the extra songs from Meteora at some point. He said, "I vaguely remember after Hybrid Theory, we had a couple of different things that popped up that needed an extra track or something that was previously unreleased. There was a specialty album maybe for Japan and with that also we did "My December" for a KROQ release, and all this stuff. I remember thinking a little at Meteora, even if this song or a couple of songs, even if we don't put them on the album, there's always going to be spots where it's going to be awesome to use them. And then I think that we just never used it, we just pressed forward and it never circled back to that."

In terms of why it didn't make the album, Mike said, "we had to draw the line somewhere. 12 songs was the number"

The voice sample in the intro and verses is Mike Shinoda's voice, effected and combined with a vinyl static sound. Via the Linkin Park Discord on April 4, 2023, Mike said, "you can reverse them, they don't say anything!", "it was just about the notes", "(melody)", and that the words said "nada" before they were edited. He added that the same thing was done for "Blackout" for Chester's vocals - "same thing. this was a nonsensical vocal skat that turned into a loop."

In the Linkin Park Stagelight pack from 2012, a drum beat file titled "Shortcut" (BPM_140_SHORTCUT_DRUM1) is included which is the drum beat from the verses of "Fighting Myself." When asked about the demo title on Discord, Mike said, "i think that's correct". It has also been confirmed by Linkin Park's manager, Ryan DeMarti, who said "Shortcut is definitely the working title."

Brad Delson did a track-by-track commentary of the Lost Demos disc for the "Super Deluxe Box Set" book on which the song is listed as "Shortcut/Fighting Myself". He wrote:

"We thought this was an epic, unfinished instrumental. In the summer of 2022, a dusty drive was excavated from the deepest recesses of the LP treasure trove. On it were "Shortcut" stems: one labeled "MS Vox," on "CB Vox." Mike flew them into the instrumental, gave it a deft mix, and the song magically emerged.

P.S. The stacked guitars are epic. We would've played it live if we had seven guitarists."

Release

"Fighting Myself" was debuted for the first time on Howard Stern with Mike Shinoda as a guest on February 14, 2023, with "More The Victim."

Versions

Note: Only the date of the very first release of each version is listed.

Title	Album	Length	Recorded	Released	Notes
Fighting Myself	Meteora (20th Anniversary Edition) Lost Demos	3:21	2002	March 24, 2023

Personnel

Linkin Park

• Chester Bennington: Vocals
• Rob Bourdon: Drums
• Brad Delson: Guitars
• Joseph Hahn: Records, Sampling
• Phoenix: Bass
• Mike Shinoda: Emcee, Vocals, Sampling

Production

• Written by Linkin Park
• Produced by Don Gilmore and Linkin Park

Lyrics

Album Version

Now sometimes these thoughts in my head speak so loud
Every little thing that I think about
Just builds on top of the pain and doubt
Even though I wanna just let it out
I try to act like I don't mind it, try to keep my mouth so quiet
But sittin' there in my silence just seems to amplify it

When I thought that keepin' this inside would make it better
I never thought that I would end up ruining it forever
But every time I think I got everything put back together
I end up making more regrets, making more regrets

Falling from grace, I watch it all come apart
Knowing I could've changed it all from the start
Fighting myself, I always lose
Fighting myself, I always lose

I didn't want you to think I'm worn out so easily
I wish I'd held it in so you never knew what built up inside of me
Now I don't know how it overflowed, spilled out unwillingly
But now everything that I learned to hate came out for you to see

I don't want you to promise you can change everything and make it better
'Cause you can bet I'm gonna end up ruining it forever
And every time you think you got everything put back together
I end up making more regrets, making more regrets

Falling from grace, I watch it all come apart
Knowing I could've changed it all from the start
Fighting myself, I always lose
Fighting myself, I always lose

Falling from grace, I watch it all come apart
Knowing I could've changed it all from the start
Fighting myself, I always lose
Fighting myself, I always lose

I can’t run with this weight on my back
I can’t see ‘cause I’m focused on the past
I can’t breathe, I need to break free
From the anger that is constantly inside me

I can’t run with this weight on my back
I can’t see ‘cause I’m focused on the past
I can’t breathe, I need to break free
From the anger that is constantly inside of me

Falling from grace, I watch it all come apart
Knowing I could've changed it all from the start
I can’t breathe, I need to break free
From the anger that is constantly inside of me

Falling from grace, I watch it all come apart
Knowing I could've changed it all from the start
I can't breathe, I need to break free
From the anger that is constantly inside of me

External Links

• Fighting Myself (Official Audio): YouTube

References