My Suffering

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"My Suffering"
Album-Out Of Ashes.jpg
Song by Dead By Sunrise from the album Out Of Ashes
Working title My Suffering
Recorded 2007-2009
Released October 13, 2009
Length 2:39
Live debut May 10, 2008
Last played February 28, 2010
Writer Chester Charles Bennington, Amir Davidson, Ryan Christopher Shuck, Anthony Valcic
Producer Howard Benson
Label Warner Bros. Records

Out Of Ashes track listing
  1. Fire
  2. Crawl Back In
  3. Too Late
  4. Inside Of Me
  5. Let Down
  6. Give Me Your Name
  7. My Suffering
  8. Condemned
  9. Into You
  10. End Of The World
  11. Walking In Circles
  12. In The Darkness
  13. Morning After (bonus track)


"My Suffering" was written during the three year break that Chester Bennington took from working on his solo album in order to work and tour with Linkin Park from 2006 until 2008. Its title was first revealed on a songboard posted by Julien-K in 2007.[1]

On May 10, 2008, the band played their first official show under the name Dead By Sunrise and debuted an early version of "My Suffering" which featured more screaming. The album version was recorded after Linkin Park finished touring for Minutes To Midnight.

Speaking to The Aquarian Weekly on October 13, 2009 about this period, Chester said, "[...] I was having tough times in the middle of a long, drawn out divorce that was draining and pretty much put me on a downward spiral just because it was so…there was so much going on during that period of time, that you get songs like ‘My Suffering’ and ‘Condemned,’ and the heavier, darker stuff was all derived from the phases of that experiences. But yeah, there was a lot going on."[2]

During an interview with MusicRadar on November 20, 2009, Chester spoke about how the songs "Crawl Back In" and "My Suffering" dealt with his addictions: "I'm also a sucker for alcohol. It's an amazing thing…it was baffling to me when I was going through the throes of alcohol addiction because I'm usually a pretty even-keel guy. But when it comes to drinking, I just can't stop. The urge to drink just takes over. It astounds me how different I am when I'm drinking from when I'm not. I become this other person. Probably not a very good person, but that's what alcohol can do to some people."[3]


"My Suffering" was remixed by Austrian DJ and producer Hannes Ipunk (who had previously worked with Julien-K on remixes of "Technical Difficulties" and "Systeme De Sexe") and released for free download exclusively at It was announced on June 12, 2010 with a teaser trailer by ipunkrecords for a free release on June 14.[4]

On June 14, 2010, announced, "Here is another INSIDETHETOURBUS exclusive... NOT A BOOTLEG – NOT A COVER VERSION – JUST AN OFFICIAL KICKASS REMIX – the iPunk produced remix of the mind blowing Dead By Sunrise track MY SUFFERING. How much is it gonna cost ya? Freak all mothersqueekers, we are giving it to you for free! Just click on the link right below this line for the FREE download."[5]

The remix served as a gift for the fans who have showed their support during the Out Of Ashes tour.

iPunk explained how the collaboration happened: "The idea to this remix actually came up in Munich after the Dead By Sunrise show. Of course there was some real partying going on in the backstage area, as I had last seen the guys from DBS and The Delta Fiasco, and Dave from Virgin Tears a long while back while being in Los Angeles. Woah – a lot of great pics were shot during that night… So yeah, we started to relive all the impressions from the show, and also talked about all the highlights. My personal highlight was in fact “My Suffering.“ Only days later, Amir told me that there might be a possibility to remix “My Suffering“! My first thought was just: “YEAH MAN – YEEEEEEEAH!!!”"[6]

In fall 2020, Julien-K uploaded the remix to their page for subscribers and said, "Todays A.U. is an unofficial iPunk remix of Dead By Sunrise' "My Suffering" that we allowed him to concoct, knowing we could never officially release it given record label realities. But here in the Alternate Universe we can do what we want!"


Note: Only the date of the very first release of each version is listed.


Title Album Length Recorded Released Notes
My Suffering Out Of Ashes 2:39 2007-2009 September 15, 2009
  • Released for free download on Twitter on September 15, 2009.[7]
My Suffering Demos 2:21
  • Home demo.
  • Different lyrics.
  • Screamed verses.
  • Released on LPLive for free download on March 20, 2018.
My Suffering Out Of Ashes Instrumentals 2:46 2007-2009
  • Official instrumental version.


Title Album Length Recorded Released Notes
My Suffering (iPunk Remix) 4:57 2010 June 14, 2010
  • Remixed by iPunk.
  • Released for free download on InsideTheTourBus on June 14, 2010.


Title Album Length Recorded Released Notes
My Suffering (Live) Crawl Back In 2:55 July 30, 2009 August 18, 2009
  • Labeled "My Suffering (Live Version)" on the digital release.


"My Suffering" was debuted at the show celebrating the 13th anniversary of Club Tattoo, as the demo version of the song, and was the only known time this version of the song was played live. "My Suffering" got its studio debut when Dead By Sunrise would perform during Linkin Park's first encore on their 2009 international tour, where the song would close out their mini-set. Once the band embarked on their tour promoting Out Of Ashes, "My Suffering" was played after "End Of The World", a position it maintained throughout 2009 except for the mtvU Ulalume performance, where it was performed after "Crawl Back In, and the KROQ Almost Acoustic Christmas festival, where it was played after "Inside Of Me". Once the band set out on their 2010 Asian tour, "My Suffering" was moved down to close the main set, a position the song stayed in until the end of 2010.


Dead By Sunrise

  • Chester Bennington
  • Ryan Shuck
  • Amir Derakh
  • Elias Andra
  • Brandon Belsky
  • Anthony "Fu" Valcic


  • Howard Benson: producer
  • Tom Whalley: executive producer
  • Mike Plotnikoff: recorder
  • Chris Lord-Alge: mixer



External Links