Watching As I Fall

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"Watching As I Fall" is the third on Mike Shinoda's debut solo studio album, Post Traumatic and closes Shinoda's debut EP, Post Traumatic EP

Background

The opening line "Excuse me while I kiss the sky" is a double reference to "Purple Haze" by The Jimi Hendrix Experience via "How High" by Redman and Method Man.[1] Mike said the surreal nature of what he was going through inspired him to quote the lyric.

He explained the lyrics of "Watching As I Fall" saying:

"Sometimes “inconsistent” isn’t a bad thing. Musically, I don’t like staying in one lane or being predictable. But personally, while I take pride in being reliable, I also know that I’m an artist and have moments of unpredictability. And if I’m going through some difficult stuff, it only exaggerates that tendency.

I knew I was in a dark place in the months following Chester’s death. Eventually, a few wise friends told me, “there’s no changing what has happened. The only thing you can do is find a way to see what new paths this loss opens up.”

A devastating wildfire creates space for new growth. I never would have chosen this path, but it’s the only one I’ve got, so I’ve got no choice but to see where it leads.

In loss, we often want someone or something to blame. But that effort is futile. I decided to look toward gratitude, question my shortcomings, and try to be a better person, for whatever amount of time I am allowed to have."[2]

Music Video

The music videos on the Post Traumatic EP are described as "cinéma vérité", shot in a way that doesn't obscure the fact that they're real life.[3] Mike says he wanted to shoot a video while feeling something.[4] He explained, "Grief is so personal, and I thought that a D.I.Y., autobiographical format made the most sense. So I shot & edited everything in the videos myself. I‘m planning to continue doing it this way until it doesn’t feel right anymore, or until the work becomes too much."[5]

The video for "Watching As I Fall" ends with a selfie video from December 12, 2017 of Mike talking about the California wildfires, the state of the world and trying to stay sane through it all.[6] After the video came out, Mike explained he had misspoken a couple of things: it had been over 4 months since Chester Bennington passed away and was coming up on 5 (not 4),[7] and his friend's family didn't have to go out of state because of the fire (but they did have to change locations a lot of times).[8]

Versions

Note: Only the date of the very first release of each version is listed.

Title Album Length Recorded Released Notes
Watching As I Fall Post Traumatic EP 3:31 2017 January 25, 2018
Watching As I Fall Post Traumatic EP (Clean) 3:31 2017 January 25, 2018
  • Censored.
Watching As I Fall (Instrumental) (80 BPM) Post Traumatic EP - Acapellas & Instrumentals 3:31 2017 February 15, 2018
Watching As I Fall (Acapella) Post Traumatic EP - Acapellas & Instrumentals 3:18 2017 February 15, 2018

Live

"Watching As I Fall" was debuted live at Mike's performance at Identity LA, being played after "Place To Start". Mike plays guitar on the song, one of the only songs in the set he plays an instrument on.

Personnel

  • Written and produced by Mike Shinoda
  • Vocals by Mike Shinoda
  • Mixed by Manny Marroquin
  • Mastered by Michelle Mancini

Lyrics

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Excuse me while I kiss the sky
Sing a song of sixpence / pocket full of lies
Thinking I’m OK but they’re saying otherwise
Tell me how I look but can’t look me in the eyes
Watching as I say this and then I do that
Telling them the old words but in a new rap
Then I change my mind up and make them lose track
Shit I’m inconsistent I thought you knew that

Maybe I should be more grateful
That I had to watch it all come undone
Holding so tight to the edge is painful
But I can’t ignore it I know

They’re watching as I fall / they’re staring as I go
I gave until my soul hurt / and never told them so
They’re watching as I fall / to somewhere down below
But maybe I’m just falling / to get somewhere they won’t
To get some...

Excuse me while while I sympathize
Singing with the fat lady tell me what’s the time
You know what it is not afraid to cross the line
Nothing is forever don’t be mad at the design
Ask me if I can / I say I don’t know
And honestly I buy that I can sound cold
Still upset from shit that’s 15 years old
I don’t know what it takes to make me let go

Maybe I should be more grateful
That I had to watch it all come undone
Holding so tight to the edge is painful
But I can’t ignore it I know

They’re watching as I fall / they’re staring as I go
I gave until my soul hurt / and never told them so
They’re watching as I fall / to somewhere down below
But maybe I’m just falling / to get somewhere they won’t
To get somewhere they won’t

They’re watching as I fall / they’re staring as I go
I gave until my soul hurt / and never told them so
They’re watching as I fall / to somewhere down below
But maybe I’m just falling / to get somewhere they won’t
To get somewhere they won’t
To get somewhere they won’t
To get somewhere they won’t

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External Links

  • Watching As I Fall (Official Video): YouTube

References

  1. Mike Shinoda on Twitter: "Double reference: Purple Haze (1) via “How High” (2) by @therealredman and @methodman - https://t.co/uuk0EWLKjp… " ., January 29, 2018
  2. Mike Shinoda – Watching As I Fall Lyrics | Genius Lyrics, March 21, 2018
  3. Mike Shinoda on Twitter: "My friend said the videos are “cinema verite.” Shot in a way that doesn’t obscure the fact that they’re real life. The music is that way too. The car horn was audible on the mic when I was trying to record, which was super annoying. #PostTraumatic… https://t.co/fTsDurQOqk" ., January 25, 2018
  4. Mike Shinoda on Twitter: "(1/2) On this project, I’m trying to work “in the moment.” I record a vocal or shoot a video while I’m feeling something. For example, I wrote and recorded verse one of “over again” on the day of the Bowl show, and did verse two the day after. #PostTraumatic" ., January 25, 2018
  5. Mike Shinoda on Twitter: "Grief is so personal, and I thought that a D.I.Y., autobiographical format made the most sense. So I shot & edited everything in the videos myself. I‘m planning to continue doing it this way until it doesn’t feel right anymore, or until the work becomes too much. #PostTraumatic… https://t.co/6o8xU8KTZL" ., January 25, 2018
  6. Linkin Park’s Mike Shinoda Shares Three New Solo Songs « The World Famous KROQ, January 25, 2018
  7. Mike Shinoda on Twitter: "fact edit (1/2) At the end of the “Watching As I Fall” I said it was coming up on 4 months since CB had passed. I misspoke; it had been 4+ months and was coming up on 5. 😁 https://t.co/X8FdeVzopL" ., January 29, 2018
  8. Mike Shinoda on Twitter: "fact edit (2/2) a minor correction (that only really matters to me and a couple people), my friend’s family didn’t have to go out of state. But they DID have to change locations a lot of times because of the fire! 😬🔥" ., January 29, 2018